I moved through music college learning to be myself and learning to listen God’s calling to me. Initially my transition was closed, I was going to ‘be a man’, whatever that might mean. I was going to be a professional musician. I was going to… God breaks open our expectations. I became an ordinand. I became a husband. I became a dog-owner. I became a craftsperson. But, most importantly, I became, and am becoming, myself.
Most people think that transition has a clear start point, and a clear end point. In my experience, that is often not the case. It took me a long time to accept but I now realise, and celebrate, the fact that I will always be trans. Some people transition from female-to-male. Some people transition from male-to female. Some people transition part-way. Other’s move around the scale. All of those identities are ok. What is essential is that we allow others to define and describe themselves. I like to describe myself as transmasculine. I move in social circles as male; but ‘man’ will never fully describe my reality. Being open to the continuing growth of my identity in response to God’s call has been an amazing experience. I hope that I never think that I am ‘done’ transitioning.
God reshapes and recreates us every day and, to me, that recreation is the most loving and grace-filled relationship that we can experience. This recreation isn’t only available to those of us who are trans; all people can be reformed and remolded throughout their life in a fantastic spiral of growth, if we would only allow it. Who you are today does not determine who you can be tomorrow.
I feel that I am caught in a web or a matrix of creativity and growth; and I love it. I can access the whole of who I am, and the most important part of that identity is two-fold; my relationship with God and my relationships with others.
We are not abandoned. We are not alone. Rather, we are created to live with and for others. Being open to the fullness of myself has enabled me to enter fuller and more reciprocal relationships with God and others.
Open yourself to change and growth. You never know where it may lead…